I love my grandparents, but please don't blame me if they vote for Trump.

As a uni student living in a flat, I don't often get mail. Receiving anything in the post has become exciting for me, particularly when it has American postal markings on it. So when I received this particular piece of mail last week, my interests were peaked. I ripped open the excessively large envelope to find a letter confirming my right to vote in the 2016 U.S presidential election. The letter referred to me as a ‘U.S citizen abroad’, which I guess technically I am, but ask me any day of the week what I am and my response will always be “Kiwi”. Born in Saramento, CA, my American parents and I moved to NZ when I was 5. For nearly all of my memorable life I have lived in New Zealand, and after receiving my duel citizenship, it’s how I identify myself. Although my parents and brother moved back to the states a couple of years ago, I couldn't fathom the thought of living there, and receiving this letter just reiterated these feelings. The thought of Donald Trump running for president literally makes my stomach churn. The fact he has made it this far is terrifying, but what really scares me is that there is the change that there may be enough ignorant people in the country for him to end up in a position of power. This fear is legitimised for me because I know people foolish enough to vote for him; my family. 

 When I say this, I am not referring to my parents. They are both intelligent, kind, and socially aware enough to recognise building a wall around North America to keep Mexicans out is an insane idea. Nope, not them. However, I cannot say the same for the rest of my family. Residing in a small mining town in Oregon, I would place Roseburg in a category with Ngaruawahia or Te Puke. This is where you will find a majority of the Dirksen family, including my grandparents. This kind-hearted Christian couple are two if the most loving, caring people I know, and I wouldn't change them for the world. However, there are times when it is clear that they are from small town America with somewhat uncultured and unexposed views on the world. This became partially evident when I was Skyping with my grandma a few years ago, and she was telling me about my cousins new partner. She explained how my cousin (who was living in San Fransisco) was involved with a new man, a highly praised accountant for one of the biggest hospitals in California. But after this description my grandma paused, and lent close to the computer before whispering “and he's black”. Now this may seem like an observational statement to some, but I know my grandmother, and by the look on her face, this was something she had announced to anyone who would listen. 

Now let me explain about my grandparents; they are not confederates that believe America needs to be ‘ethnically cleansed’, not at all. They are however, heavily involved in they're dominantly white Catholic church, in a small white town, and spend their days interacting with basically just  other white people. So the idea that a black man could soon be sitting across from her at the table next Thanksgiving was clearly a shock to her. Now this is not the first time this kind of reaction has come from my grandparents. Another one of my cousins has 5 children to her on-again off-again boyfriend who’s Hispanic. Now there is nothing my grandfather hates more then when he comes up the driveway in his big truck ‘blasting his Mexican music’ with his ‘Mexican gang tattoos’ ‘making the whole place smell like marijuana’. Now I am yet to see any of this behaviour from Alec in my many trips there, and not sure I ever will. 

Now although its tough to have these kind of racial demeanour happening right in front of you, I believe its too late for my grandparents. They are already to deep into what they know and believe to change their views. You can argue with them till you are black and blue in the face (and believe me, my dad does) but they will forever believe in anything by what they were taught by their parents and the society they grew up in. Even though America has become a very different place in the last 80 years, they will continue to view it through their dated mindset. I’ve always thought that racism is an inevitable cycle, and that no matter how hard anyone tries, there will always be racists out there making racists. I believed that as long as racist people were having children, it was a cycle that couldn't be stopped. But looking at my father, it is clear that I was wrong. He is living proof that if children are taught through institutions like schools, community groups, churches and other influencers that discrimination, segregation and stereotyping needs to stop, that it can out weigh the influences of family and peers, and will create more educated, more compassionate generations to come. 

I love my grandparents, but please don't blame me if they vote for Trump. 

SIDENOTE: My cousin later went on to have a child with her partner, and if you ever want to hold him you’ll need to be prepared to fight my grandma, because I don't think she's put him down since the day he was born.