At the end of this course, it’s time for a bit of
reflection.
We’re always learning and expanding, and at some points we’re
definitely going to make mistakes like the ones we’ve been analysing through
this blog space. So in appreciation of that, my last blog post is on apologies
and how we can all continue to learn and grow. To aid me with this, I will be
analysing the artists response to my experience at a comedy show with a friend
which I spoke about previously, here.
The first line of this response reads “Im so sorry John feels this way.” Uh-oh we have begun our apology with a non-apology! By saying “I’m sorry X feels that way” instead of “I’m sorry that I did that” its removing the responsibility of the incident onto the victim rather than the perpetrator.
She goes on to explain that this is all a misunderstanding that actually the “Chop Suey” comment isn’t about Chinese people, its about Samoan people! “Chop Suey is a favourite Samoan dish”
Where to start with this one? For one we could definitely describe it as white splaining, telling a Chinese person that Chop Suey is Samoan. In reality, the dish is popular both places, so a double meaning is possible but John probably doesn't need that explained to him. Also, by emphasising this (and ignoring the dishes significance in Chinese culture) she puts attention away from the very real racist joke that was created on stage towards John, and onto some hypothetical other (still racist) joke she was trying to make about someone else.
Ultimately apologies are about reconciling with the person you have hurt and convincing them that you are dedicated to change. Your apology should be centred not on defending yourself, or your own feelings (“I feel sooooo bad!”) but on the person you’ve hurt, their feelings, and an acknowledgement of how often they probably receive this kind of behavior (they probably don't need to hear you crying about it, just accepting it and working on it!).
Apologies can be hard, and its pretty easy to make these kind of mistakes! However moving forward its our responsibility to be self aware and learn how to accept and grow, rather than defend our every move.
The first line of this response reads “Im so sorry John feels this way.” Uh-oh we have begun our apology with a non-apology! By saying “I’m sorry X feels that way” instead of “I’m sorry that I did that” its removing the responsibility of the incident onto the victim rather than the perpetrator.
She goes on to explain that this is all a misunderstanding that actually the “Chop Suey” comment isn’t about Chinese people, its about Samoan people! “Chop Suey is a favourite Samoan dish”
Where to start with this one? For one we could definitely describe it as white splaining, telling a Chinese person that Chop Suey is Samoan. In reality, the dish is popular both places, so a double meaning is possible but John probably doesn't need that explained to him. Also, by emphasising this (and ignoring the dishes significance in Chinese culture) she puts attention away from the very real racist joke that was created on stage towards John, and onto some hypothetical other (still racist) joke she was trying to make about someone else.
Ultimately apologies are about reconciling with the person you have hurt and convincing them that you are dedicated to change. Your apology should be centred not on defending yourself, or your own feelings (“I feel sooooo bad!”) but on the person you’ve hurt, their feelings, and an acknowledgement of how often they probably receive this kind of behavior (they probably don't need to hear you crying about it, just accepting it and working on it!).
Apologies can be hard, and its pretty easy to make these kind of mistakes! However moving forward its our responsibility to be self aware and learn how to accept and grow, rather than defend our every move.
This post is definitely a perfect way to end a semester. You have used some great examples that epitomise the issues surrounding responsibility and blame shifting. I agree with your comments as the issue people have most in contemporary society is actually putting aside pride and just taking steps to accept reality and move forward to change. Shifting blame, using guilt to their advantage and the focus on how the person feels, instead of how it makes others feel are exactly how these issues unfold! We need to stop defending ourselves and moreover stop seeing these discursive strategies as an attack. Instead we need to focus on accepting the situation and moving towards a place where there is a sense of neutrality. I think out of everything we have been taught this semester, realisation and acceptance are the most important. Good Post.
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